5/19/07: The Real Deal

This week, Richard tells us that time is not on his side. Honey, it never is.

James Island Charter High School needs a new concession stand for their football field. The City of Charleston Fire Chief, a James Island grad, called Richard to get his ideas about a new concession stand. The Fire Chief is in charge of the Booster Club for the football team.

Richard is also a James Island graduate. Of course, he’ll help out because “You owe yourself to give back to your community.” He tells us that they waited a week before the opening game to deal with the concession stand. Glad they didn't wait until the last minute.

The stand is a 25 year old snack bar. The front part is the kitchen. The back is where the world’s most disgusting bathrooms are located. Dirty, bad plumbing, smelly…

Trademark will donate resources for the project so the school can spend the money on something better. The budget will be $20,000.

Oh no. Is that Dan?

6 Days. Dan went to James Island High School, so he’s taken a special interest in this project. He puts a bunch of kids to work and then tells us how hard he’s going to work. He looks and sounds exactly like Richard. In fact, I have to stop the show to laugh. He’s like a Richard, Jr. or better yet, Little Richard. He’s got the shades, the polo shirt and the body language. Funny.

There are bugs in the concession stand. Surprised? South Carolina is the Palmetto State. Isn’t Palmetto just a fancy word for a roach?

During the commercial break, they play Richard’s commercial for TLC. He says, “Live and learn, TLC.” I can’t wait to see those promos expanded.

Ginger tells Dan to let her talk to the plumber because she’ll get him to do it for free. Henceforth, the plumber will be known as Mr. Rooter. He looks like a nice guy. Mr. Rooter's son is named “Rah-Lee.” Jethro thinks that the kid’s real name might be Robert Lee, after Robert E. Lee. I’m willing to bet that he’s named after Raleigh, North Carolina. The Rooter Man is too nice for anything less.

Ginger calls John Davis because he’s a restaurant specialist. I’m thinking that it’s because he’s in the intro to the show and they haven’t used him all season. Ginger and John go to the restaurant supply store and discover that popcorn makers are far more expensive than they thought.

5 Days Left. The exterminator arrives to spray the place. Dan tells us the many reasons why bugs can’t be in the concession stand, without mentioning a thing about the Health Department.

They power wash the walls and floors. Dan gets mad because the painter won’t work in a wet environment.

During the commercial break: Anyone know why Dwarfs can’t ride bikes made for children? I’m not trying to be mean, but Little People, Big World’s next episode is about how one of the stars needs a bike specially made for him. Jethro thinks it’s because their legs might be shorter than average.

4 days left. Ginger is having difficulty getting John Davis to help with the project, so she brings in John’s arch-enemy, Crab House Man. Long-time Trademark viewers will remember the A&E Crab House episode, when John and the Crab House owner nearly came to blows. Crab House Man still works in his Crab House, so Ginger is able to locate him quickly. Crab House Man accompanies Ginger to the restaurant supply store, and she learns the value of buying used equipment. He negotiates and haggles for everything, guilting the owner of the store. Go Crab House Man!

During the next few scenes, subs are telling us that they are here to help the community. The women’s room is painted quickly, I guess because we’re cleaner folks. The men’s room is a mess. Mr. Rooter has not showed up for a while. His son is the star linebacker for the team, so Richard just can’t understand why Mr. Rooter can’t dedicate more time to this project.

3 days left. Did you know that Crab House Man’s wife was a cheerleader at the school? I didn’t, and evidently, neither did Crab House Man because Richard reminds him of it. Of course, I think that Crab House Man knew it all along.

Ginger smiles as she tells us that they forgot to tell John Davis that they brought in Crab House Man. Upon seeing his arch-enemy at work, John hikes his pants up and says something that causes him to be bleeped. They quickly have a heated discussion. They show John leaving. Richard tell us that they brought Crab House Man in for John’s benefit. John says he’s alright with it. Richard shouts out, “You snooze, you lose.” John gives a classy fake laugh to the camera.

Mr. Rooter and his boss begin to install urinals. Unfortunately, the urinals are too high. Who knew that urinals could be too high? I certainly didn’t…The urinals have to match the piping in the wall. Why can’t men just stand on their tippy toes?

They really should not tape TV shows in bathrooms. Too much echo. Mr. Rooter and his boss tell Richard why the urinals can’t be installed. The plumbers are taking far too much pleasure in their jobs. Richard says, get it done with different urinals. I say, Amen.

2 days left. The kitchen supplies arrive. The ice bin has to go through a window because it’s too big for the door.

Richard now says that Rah-Lee is his nephew. I stop the tape to consider Richard’s family tree. Mr. Rooter is his brother or brother-in-law. Hmmm…Richard says if Mr. Rooter doesn’t show up for work, he’s going to have to embarrass him in front of his son. And that’ll be sad.

1 day left. Hooligans have spray-painted condom references all over the Trojan football field. These vandals were from W*** As**** High School. I’m glad they’ve mentioned which school it was, even if they still fuzz-out Pepsi soda cans.

However, I won't write their names because they will undoubtedly do Google searches and leave nasty comments on my blog. Go away Hooligans!

After the commercial, Richard gets the subs to paint over the graffiti. One of the 36 video cameras at the school caught the vandals on tape, so they were promptly arrested. Of course, once we’re all chipped, it will be even easier to catch vandals. Maybe we’ll even be able to figure out how Mr. Rooter spends his time.

Which reminds me. Has anyone seen Dan?

Richard gets the football team to help out with the project. It’s funny to see someone who looks like a golfer lead a bunch of football players. The Boosters arrive to help as well. Crab House Man cracks the claw and tells them all to show up at 4:30 p.m. tomorrow.

12 hours left. Richard looks really happy at the pep rally. Again, there are shots of landscapers and a palm tree being planted. I guess this is in preparation for malfunctioning urinals. Richard and Crab House Man determine that people need pissers. Mr. Rooter isn’t around. Kids carry urinals into the bathroom.

Richard thinks that Mr. Rooter needs a motivating force. Vance arrives on the scene and sings to Mr. Rooter. He actually has a nice voice. Who knew?

Crab House Man and Richard get into a heated discussion about concession stand aisles.

Meanwhile, Vance pretends to beat Mr. Rooter up. With one hour left, Vance tells us that he doesn’t want to be there when people start to use the bathroom. Again, amen.

The ribbon is cut. The urinals work, as does the popcorn machine and nacho maker. Everyone is happy. The Trojans win, 23 to 22.

Result: Everything came in under budget, mostly because they got a bunch of stuff donated. Trademark’s donation was 5,000 over budget, but everyone is still happy.

Next week: Richard gets screwed over by the IT guy. Oh yeah, and there’s a renovation of a house involved.

What I learned: Ginger is the sanest person at Trademark, especially when she stands in between Richard and Crab House Man.

What I also learned: Everyone is related to everyone else in the South. But that doesn’t mean that relatives won’t screw you over.

Trademark Talk: “Either you need urinals to feed the waste line or you have to ask people to dot the I.”

Most Questionable Moment: Has anyone filed a missing person report on Dan? What happened to him on this episode? It seemed like he was in charge of the project, but maybe not…

Back History Question: Anyone remember the Crab House episode on A&E? Didn’t they flip it? I thought that meant it was being sold and not just renovated. Am I wrong?

Comments: I’m very concerned about Dan. He’s not being portrayed all that well on the show. I wish they’d show someone mentoring him, because he’s obviously a good worker or else Richard wouldn’t keep him on. I’m guessing that this is an editing issue. I just don’t think he’s getting a fair shake on the show.

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Comments

[Jethro]

No, no. They didn't flip the Crab House. It was another one of those favors. They did it because he was a friend and needed an updated look. It was more of a What Not To Wear: Restaurant Edition.