Best of Gasp!: The Great Pantyhose Scam

(This entry originally appeared on 3/21/04_

I phoned a good friend of mine tonight because I had a problem that was bothering me.

“Hey, S… How are you doing?”
“Hey Laura. Not so well. My girlfriend died.”

She had a heart attack earlier this week. It was quite sudden and I could tell he was really devastated over it. He really loved her and as he was talking, I could tell how she really loved him. It was just a sense I got from her spirit.

After he finished telling me all about it, he asked how I was doing.

“Uh, well… I’m being scammed by a pantyhose company.”

Alright, so it’s not quite the same problem. Death does not equal getting mugged by a corrupt pantyhose corporation. But he asked and I couldn’t very well tell him that nothing was wrong.

He stifled a snicker as I explained the problem.

A few weeks ago, I got an offer in the mail for a free sample of pantyhose. I don’t know why I filled it out. Wearing stockings always makes my legs feel like encased sausages and men give me a distracting amount of attention when I wear skirts. I stop thinking about important things and start worrying about how I look as I walk down the street. Maybe that’s the point. I’m not sure.

When I grew up, Mom always had us send away for free things. A free offer of something completely irrelevant would come in and she’d be sure to fill it out. So the energy of Mom seized me and I filled out the form out and sent it in.

I got the free pantyhose and promptly lost it somewhere in my room. Probably next to those thongs I never wear. (Who comes up with this fashion crap anyway?) In the package there was an offer to be a part of their pantyhose program. I distinctly remember thinking, “What a damn stupid idea. A pantyhose program? Bwahahahahaha!”

Well, a week and a half ago, I got a package in the mail containing 5 “trouser socks”. Have I mentioned I don’t wear trouser socks either? I thought it was strange and put them aside. Didn’t open the package. The little packages are somewhere in my room, probably near the pantyhose and thongs.

Last night, I got a bill in the mail from the company for $13.93. Evidently, I am now a member of their pantyhose program! An unwilling participant. The “bill” contains no phone number or street address to protest, and of course, the “bill” is past due despite the fact that it’s the first bill I have received.

So I blew a gasket, solely on principle, and went on the internet to check out the company. Sure enough, there are hundreds of complaints about people getting free pantyhose and then getting charged for it. It’s illegal. You can’t send unwanted merchandise to someone and then bill that person for it. It’s called fraud. A law firm is already soliciting people so that they can file a class action lawsuit against the company.

I emailed the company, filed a complaint with the US Postal Service, and am contemplating calling the State Attorney General’s office. On Monday, I will phone the pantyhose company and try to get it straightened out. Hopefully. These people are very shady and have already been shut down in Arizona. The thing is, I can’t ignore them because they will send the bill to a collection agency if I don’t pay or protest it.

Can you imagine?

The name of the company is “Silkies” or “HCI Direct”. Look up pantyhose and scam on Google or search Complaints.com for more info. I’m sure some of you out there have either been scammed or have been solicited by this company. They sure seem to get around.

Of course, after telling my friend the whole story, he thanked me for helping him get his mind off his girlfriend. Sure, death beats a pantyhose scam. And perhaps it’s not all that important, but I’ll never look at free pantyhose the same way again.

Comments

[T. Davenport]

My parents are getting slammed with "free" stuff from HCI Direct. They are hoping no one reads the fine print and they need to be stopped.

[Also scammed]

It looks like it's too late to be part of this lawsuit, but they're probably ripe for another one.

http://www.girardgibbs.com/HCIFAQS.asp